Posts tagged fuck life
Posts tagged fuck life
I feel like shit. I just feel so fucking worthless and I try to tell myself that I’m not but that doesn’t do any good. All I want is to be able to curl up in bed for a few days without anyone questioning why. I don’t want to feel like major anxiety attack coming on. I just want to be normal. But I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I want to scream. I want to die, without really dying. If that makes any sort of sense at all. I hate myself.
Here comes another sleepless night.
Dear Lord. I disgust myself and I’m starting to hate myself again.
I fell on my way home and this bitch just stood there and stared at me. She didn’t even ask of I was okay. What a cunt. And then I fell again and I guess I dropped my phone so I had to search for it. I found it, but it won’t let me text, call, or use the internet. My cell phone company sucks.
Today has just sucked.
Even my ex girlfriend, who may I add is a complete lesbian, can get a guy, but I can’t.
I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE. :(
Wow. It just really sucks not being anyone’s first choice. Not even relationship wise, but even within my family and friends.
I know that my parents favour my brother over me. I’m slowly coming to terms with that. But it just really sucks not being an important family member.
And I’m well aware that many of my friends do not favour me over others. I’m learning to be okay with that, too.
I think I’m an alright person. I’m funny and kind hearted most of the time. So why do people always put me on the back burner?
It would just be fan-fucking-tastic for someone to tell me that I’m their favourite. That would be the best gift I could ever get. For someone to simply tell me that I’m extremely important to them and that they will always want me around, would mean the world to me.
I just hope someday I can be someone’s first choice. Not their second choice, or their “not a choice at all”, but their first choice. That would be nice.
Today sucked. Hell, most days suck. Except for when Karly came over, that was nice. But I had an anxiety attack in social when I was trying to write an essay. My breathing techniques didn’t work, and I almost started crying. I think Mr.O realized how upset I was so he didn’t give me a hard time when my end result was bullshit. Ugh. I need anti-anxiety meds right now. All of this sucks. I hate living like this.